words from Biana Libertine

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It’s something you would never ever really expect. Something you can never truly see coming. You can kind of, sort of, just maybe catch a glimpse of something on the horizon, but you’re not exactly sure of what it is. You’re out looking for a good time. It finds you, instead. In the prospect of a fun night- you dive into the rabbit hole.

Maybe you’re a bit worried- you wonder if you’ll become another gruesome cautionary tale- overheating, dehydrating, the life of you literally pouring out through your pores as your heart has no choice but to give in.

But the fear plays a distant second to your curiosity (the victorious force that will steer destiny tonight). You know you’re about to experience something, but you’re completely oblivious as to what. So you wait… And wait… And…. BAM!
Like a brick smack dab in the face, it announces its presence, “I’m here!” And before you have a chance to object, it engulfs you in its warm embrace. There’s no way out- but given the opportunity, you’d allow it to hold you forever. Your surroundings are the same, but now exist on a backdrop of neon magic.

How have you failed to note before the pleasant gentle ripples the texture of the wall forms beneath your fingertips? How is it that you’ve never appreciated how GOOD and even almost orgasmic it feels to breathe-inhale-exhale- you’re alive.
Yes, you’re living! The mechanical moderately mobile shell that used to define your existence reveals it’s true form- pink flesh, warm blood rushing through your veins, bones rubbing against one another in togetherness. You begin to fall in love, most likely for the first time in your life, with your physical self. All the flaws you saw just moments ago vanish before your eyes. You’re a perfect being. And the love which you were denied from others becomes irrelevant because no one can love you as purely and selflessly as you love your self in the moment.

As you make your peace with your physical self, you gain an acceptance for your inner being as well. While your mind does not transform into the pinnacle of perfection you often aspire to, you realize that the aspiration is no longer there. The yin and yang’s of your conscious unlock from their choke hold on one another. And for the first time ever, you don’t feel asphyxiated. And for the first time ever, you’re aware that you have been a slave your whole life, to yourself.
You’ve tried so hard with every step to retain some sort of control, but all you’ve accomplished is cold, cruel tyranny over the single being that is you. You have been blinded by the cataracts the time has superimposed upon your field of vision. Years of learned fear, hatred, and resentment have caused you to forget how wonderfully simple The Now could be. You delve deeper into the unchartered territories of this intriguing abyss.

Sound- it’s really just a wave of pressure. It travels through a compressible medium until it collides with our bodies and we become aware of it. Right? But it is so much more! Sound! Waves of sound intertwine with one another. They organize and form audible patterns translated by our bodies- you hear music. It moves you and invigorates you. Your body moves in harmony with these invisible waves of pressure. The tangible and intangible form the stanzas of the poetry read as “dance”.

Around you are others- you’re not alone! They too feel what you feel. They too move as you move. One rhythm guides all of you. You’re not separated. You’re not alienated. You’re a pivotal part of a whole. You belong.
A childlike curiosity bubble up from inside this new you. You begin to scan the crowd in front of you for another pair of burning eyes shouting out “I want to play”. Some stands out. Their energy feels right. Their aura, a perfect compliment to yours.

Introductions are made,
“Hello, I’m a human”
flashing lights illuminate an extended hand
“I’m a human, as well.”

Everything is understood. You don’t need words. In the past few hours you’ve transcended the necessity for speech. You’re just two humans beings twisting and contorting. Until you simultaneous understand that your two bodies were meant to form only one. And for once you understand that you’re not compromising yourself. You’re not giving up any part of you for someone else. Because there is no you, there is no someone else. Passion transformers the lonely “I” to “We”.
You’ve lost track of time a lifetime ago.

But you slowly become aware of the seconds passing bye. Your new found reality becomes slowly covered by a thin lackluster sheath of gray. There’s no use in holding on as it releases you from its hold and drops you back into your own inept control. Resistance only deepens the disappointment.

Don’t chase it.

Even if you manage to catch up, you’ll quickly learn the consequences of getting greedy. You’ll quickly learn why you shouldn’t be so eager as to experience an experience before it is meant to be. One day, it will find you again. When you need guidance the most. Don’t ask me how, but like a good leader, it just somehow knows.


Posted: August 26, 2012


Category: Experiences


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